Holiday Relationships
December 2, 2011
I talk to people all the time who dread the arrival of the holiday season. Whether it is the stress brought on by additional financial burden, the sheer pace of back to back weeks filled with activity, or added pressure on personal relationships, it is a time that requires all of us to make wise and unselfish decisions.
“Family relationships can be tricky—especially at this time of year. Minor issues like who will cook what or when to open gifts can lead to more serious conflict. For some, deeper issues loom: Whose family will we visit? Will the kids be with me or my ex? How do I handle the hostility between family members?”*
These issues large or small, significant or not, can provide us the opportunity to evaluate the quality and value of relationships. Consider your honest answers to the questions that follow:
- Is the issue that is causing conflict something that is really worth the battle?
- What is the conflict really about? Perhaps it is just your desire to be in control.
- Can you express love and concern by choosing to help rather than needing to have your way?
- Is peace in your family worth the conflict that will follow a certain decision?
- What other options do you have?
This is a time of year when wisdom and unselfish attitudes should prevail. Consider the long term implications when making your decision regarding your holiday activities and relationships. How will those decisions affect your friends and family?
*Quote from www.troubledwith.com
Holiday Stress
November 23, 2011
She stood in the middle of the department store worried that she was forgetting someone on her gift list, and at the same time wondering how she would find the money to pay for the gift even if she remembered who it was! With both credit cards at their limit, the stress from not knowing how the payments would be made next month just added to her load of anxiety.
On top of the financial challenge the holiday season brought every year, there was the always awkward thought of how she would arrange getting around to all the family and when the kids would visit their father.
Her car seemed like it was on its last leg, limping around town and not even starting on really cold mornings. Fighting the crowd at the mall was just such a hassle when all she really wanted was to just be at home after working all day. And her son was so difficult this time of year! There was so much to be troubled over, and on top of that she was worried about walking out into the dark parking lot!
Sound familiar? Maybe this situation does not perfectly describe your holiday season but you can probably relate to it in some way. What can you do to make this special time of year a blessing instead of a curse?
Start with your attitude about what you can and cannot control. Do not get anxious about what you cannot control. Rather, do your best at dealing effectively with the things you can control. Work well with others, whether they are family, friends, or associates on the job. Plan ahead, especially in the areas of your personal finances and time management. Enlist the help of those around you who love you and want to spend time with you. The holiday season is a great time to build relationships. Do not allow all the stress and anxiety to rob you of the joy of the season.
Unmet Expectations
November 22, 2011
As they sat at the kitchen table his wife said, “Life just hasn’t worked out the way I thought it would,” It was a statement that struck deeply and broke his heart. He knew his wife felt he was responsible for her life not working out the way she had planned. She held it against him. And he didn’t know what to do about it. He felt helpless. His wife’s unmet expectations weighed heavily on his mind and heart and held him captive in his guilt.
Many times in my life I have had to remind myself that my expectations will not always line up with reality. How I respond to unmet expectations reveal much about my personality and character. It also reveals much about what I believe about God.
A pastor friend of mine said, “All of us have expectations in life. We expect things will occur according to our preconceived ideas and plans. Sometimes things do not happen as we expect, and our response to those unexpected events can determine whether or not we miss out on God’s best for our lives.”
Another friend of mine says that unmet expectations are usually unspoken expectations. “When our spouse doesn’t come through on something we expect them to naturally come through on, our response is typically anger and withdrawal. We hold them hostage to the expectation they didn’t meet. So, as that expectation continues to go unmet we pile up anger, hurt, and resentment toward that person,” he says.
You may need to determine if your expectations go unmet because they are unrealistic. People will always let you down. Even your closest friends, your spouse, your parent, will eventually disappoint you in some way. No one will meet your expectations all the time.
My pastor friend reminds us, “God will never let us down. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. He promises to love us and meet our needs. He hears our prayers. He loves us absolutely and unconditionally. But sometimes we confuse what God promises with our expectations of what we would like God to do.”
We do the same with others around us. Are you holding someone captive in your unmet expectations of them? Perhaps you need to examine your expectations and decide if they are reasonable and grounded in love for God and others.
Stress–It Puts You Over the Edge!
November 15, 2011
What is your prescription for stress? What really puts you over the edge and in a position where you think you and everything around you is out of control?
Major stress producers are big life events such as your wedding, the death of a family member, divorce, buying or selling a home, and changing jobs. But it seems like it is the little things that cause us stress on a daily basis. Things like traffic congestion, impatient children, worrying about your job, or failing to communicate effectively with your spouse.
Here are some signs that you need some assistance managing the stress in your life:
- Difficulty communicating your thoughts
- Difficulty maintaining balance in your life
- Increased use of drugs or alcohol
- Poor work performance
- Headache and stomach problems
- Disorientation and confusion for no apparent reason
- Difficulty concentrating
- Reluctance to leave home
- Depression, sadness, and mood swings
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Difficulty getting out of bed in the morning
- Fear of crowds and strangers
- Overwhelming guilt and self-doubt
Actually the list could go on but you get the idea. Stress is not something to be embarrassed about. All of us struggle with it to some degree and there are times when stress becomes a huge issue in our lives.
When you recognize that you are experiencing a great deal of stress in your life you need to act on it. Stress should not be ignored. It can negatively affect every area of your life and cause serious problems in your marriage and family, job performance, and other relationships.
Here are some good ways to ease stress in your life:
- Do not worry about things you cannot control. Realize you are not always in control of whatever is producing the stress
- Take steps to promote your own physical and emotional health by staying active in your daily life patterns or by adjusting them
- Maintain a normal household and daily routine
- Spend time with family and friends in non-stressful situations
- Ask family and friends to help you
- Eat well-balanced and nutritional meals on a regular basis
- See a doctor. You may be dealing with something other than stress
- Be cautious about taking medication. It may not necessarily be the best way to deal with your stress
- Depending on God in a relationship that involves regular prayer and study
Nothing eases stress in your life like the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus living in your life, directing your ways and decisions gives you freedom and liberty to live out every day with great joy and victory. If you really want to be on top of the stress in your life then you need only turn to God and his provision!
“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation. The Lord be with you all.” 2 Thessalonians 3:16 NLT
The Power of a Generous Spirit
November 4, 2011
In his book, Never Eat Alone, Keith Ferrazzi states, “…a simple, but profound, lesson about the power of generosity…is when you help others, they often help you.” Ferrazzi is not talking about being generous with your money. He is encouraging people to take on a lifestyle that is defined by a generous spirit. A tendency that defines one’s life by giving and sharing one’s resources, talents, abilities, and relationships.
He continues, “I have come to see reaching out to people as a way to make a difference in people’s lives as well as a way to explore and learn and enrich my own; it has become a conscious construction of my life’s path.”
Ferrazzi encourages us to “connect” with others. Some people call “networking” what Ferrazzi calls “connecting.” He invests in others by sharing his knowledge, resources, time and energy, friends and associates, empathy and compassion in an ongoing effort to provide value in his relationships.
Remember, all of life boils down to relationships, ultimately one’s relationship with Jesus Christ. Ferrazzi is saying that life’s relationships, when characterized by a generous spirit, are more meaningful and valuable to everyone. Focus on your opportunities to invest in others, whether they are family, friends, neighbors, or work associates. Develop a generous spirit that characterizes and defines your life.
Just A Little Bit More
November 4, 2011
What does it mean to be content? In a world where we are driven to want more and more; to never be satisfied with what we have, it is a difficult concept to ever embrace. After all, whatever car, boat, or house we have, we always seem to want something different, bigger, and better.
Webster defines contentment as “happy enough with what one has or is. Not desiring something more different. The absence of the need to strain and pull to get ahead. Indifference to position, status, or possession.” The Amplified Version of the Bible defines contentment as “satisfied to the point that one is neither disturbed or disquieted. The product of gratitude.”
Few things affect our lives like a grateful spirit. We typically have so much more than we actually need that we are blinded by our abundance. We take our health, freedom, prosperity, and possessions for granted. And, we are ungrateful. In a time and place where, in our culture, we have more of everything than the rest of the world, we fail to express a spirit of gratitude to those around us who help us and to God who provides it.
More than likely you are blessed beyond your basic needs. You probably want more of what you have and definitely more of what you do not have, but fail to recognize that you have so much that money cannot buy. You have the love and appreciation of others. You have a family. You have food, shelter, clothing, and transportation. You have a job. Yet you still remain ungrateful!!
John D. Rockefeller, an American industrialist who, in 1870, founded Standard Oil was once asked how much money it would take for him to be really satisfied. He answered, “Just a little bit more.” What is it that will truly bring you contentment?
“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.” Philippians 4:11-13
Live For Him!
November 3, 2011
How do you start your day? Do you struggle to get out of bed, get cleaned up and dressed? You skip “the most important meal of the day” and somehow find your way to work after stopping at the convenience store for coffee? All of us should take time every morning to get the best start on the day we possibly can. God should play a significant role in starting your day!
Will Austin is a friend of mine and he recently shared a part of his daily start-up. He reviews every morning his “Live For Him” list. “Reading through this list is the very first thing I do each morning. It allows me to recalibrate with what really matters,” he said. He graciously gave me permission to share his LFH list with you.
- Every second of life is a gift; no matter what I endure…this is the most important thing to remember!
- Include God in everything I do.
- Everything is God’s; I am merely a steward of what He allows me to use.
- Read morning Scriptures with passion, purely searching for truth and wisdom.
- I can’t….but God can!!!
- Preserve my words…less talk; never answer before listening
- Trust in the Lord as though everything depends on Him. Work as though everything depends on me.
- Take action!!! Ask three questions: Is the plan in harmony with God’s plan? Will it work in real life circumstances? Is my attitude pleasing to God?
- Make the right decisions by: Getting facts before answering. Be open to new ideas. Make sure I hear all sides of the story before judging.
- There is great personal victory in controlling my temper!
Will said, “It is amazing how simple and to what perspective things seem to fall when I start my day this way.” This Live For Him list can get you started every morning in the right way. Maybe you and God need to come up with your own list. The point is: Start things the right way everyday by including God in your plans!
You Can Count On It!
November 3, 2011
I can remember when I realized for the first time that I could count on the Bible. I was on into my adult years, raised in the church, had a minister for a dad, and frankly, had quite a bit of Bible knowledge. But the realization that God’s Word was true and reliable was something new to me. It changed my life forever!
In our world today many things compete for influence in our lives. The culture we live in promotes a “me mentality” where all of life evolves around the individual. We learn to trust anything that tickles our ears and tells us what we want to hear. We end up counting on only those things that benefit us at the moment. Yet what our lives need more than anything is the reliable Word of God.
The Bible is sufficient in our lives. In contrast to the theories of men, God’s Word is absolutely comprehensive. The Bible does not change. Unlike the opinions and wisdom of man, God’s Word is the same today as it was yesterday and will be tomorrow.
Most importantly, the Bible is true. It is true all of the time. Proverbs 30:5-6 says, “Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to Him for protection. Do not add to His words or He may rebuke you and expose you as a liar.”
The Ministry of Presence
June 21, 2011
In the Old Testament God was in the box! You remember, He was in the box with the jar of manna, Aaron’s rod, and the Ten Commandments. Anywhere the box went, blessings broke out as a result of the presence of Almighty God. In 2 Samuel 6: David decided not to take the Ark of the Covenant with him into Jerusalem; instead, he turned off the road and took it to the house of Obed Edom, a native of the city of Gath. It stayed there three months, and the Lord blessed Obed Edom and his family. King David heard that because of the Covenant Box the Lord had blessed Obed Edom’s family and all that he had; so he got the Covenant Box from Obed’s house to take it to Jerusalem with a great celebration.
The one occasion when blessings didn’t break out when the Ark of the Covenant was present, was in 1 Samuel 4, when the two despicable sons of Eli the priest, were carrying the Ark into the battle against the Philistines. They were expecting the presence of Almighty God to save them from the hand of their enemies. Anytime people try to manipulate the presence of God, by trying to get Him to fix their problems, delivering them from their pain, or anything other than to worship Him, they have misused His Holy presence. His presence is for adoration NOT manipulation. That’s not to say that He can’t, or couldn’t do anything…He is God and certainly could do whatever He desires.
After the Philistines had captured the Ark of God, they took it from Ebenezer to Ashdod. Then they carried the Ark into Dagon’s temple and set it beside Dagon. (The pagan god of the Philistines) Early the next day the people of Ashdod rose early and found that Dagon had fallen on his face, on the ground before the Ark of the Lord! This happened two days in a row, and the Lord’s hand was heavy on the people of Ashdod and the surrounding area. The Lord brought devastation upon them and afflicted them with tumors. The men of Ashdod immediately stated that this Ark of the god of Israel must not stay here with us, because his hand is heavy upon us and upon Dagon our god.
Today, the presence of Almighty God isn’t in a golden box, rather He is in the golden hearts of believers. He promised in John 14 that He wouldn’t leave us as orphans, but would send us the Holy Spirit to be with us, He would teach us all things and remind us of everything He had said to us. His powerful presence, just like in the days of old, impacts every place He goes, and blessing should be breaking out all around us. As believers, if we aren’t carrying His presence into areas where his heart is broken, we miss out on witnessing the powerful impacts of the miraculous Holy Spirit today.
The ministry of “Presence,” is simply allowing the presence of God to guide us wherever he wants us to go, and do what He wants us to do, say what He wants us to say, and care the way He wants us to care. Allowing enough margin in our schedule, affords us an opportunity to do anything He desires us to do. His ministry of presence accomplishes more by accident, than the creative ideas of man do on purpose. Be the presence of God today wherever your journey in life takes you. You don’t need to be religious…just be present!
Be the Ark of God!
Is There A God?
June 3, 2011
Maybe you’ve never considered whether or not there is a God. Possibly you were one who just knew from infancy that God was real, and never considered that the reality of God was ever in doubt. You also might be someone who at some point did believe there was a God, but due to some traumatic event, decided there is no way God would ever allow that event to happen, therefore, your belief in God has melted away. One final option may be where you are, that you do not believe there is, or has ever been a God. I wanted to share my thoughts about the reality of God for me personally, because a friend recently asked me this question.
I have come to the realization of God; because of some friends that I was playing baseball with who were living a different lifestyle that attracted me. It was the summer of 1971, and my family had just moved to Oklahoma from Western Kentucky. Once again, my dad had chosen to leave our current home, and move for a better job opportunity in Oklahoma. We had just settled in, when I discovered many of the guys on my new baseball team were so excited about going to a place called Falls Creek. That was all they were talking about for weeks leading up to the event. Their description of this summer-time event was, it’s a place where guys and girls connect, and there is a huge softball tournament with seventy-two teams entered. My two passions…girls and baseball, what could possibly be better than that! I should’ve been suspicious when we had to get on a church bus to get there, but oh well, what the heck.
Sure enough, there were thousands and thousands of girls and plenty of opportunities to play ball. However, there was something different about this place. Every evening we all had to attend a church service type-of-thing. The talks were amazing to say the least, and I found myself captivated by the speaker named Charlie Graves. On Thursday evening, Charlie spoke about baseball, for crying out loud. It was an amazing talk where he had woven the story of God, and how much he loves us, into a baseball talk. I remember thinking later that God customized this wonderful story of redemption into a format that was just perfect for me.
I was so captivated by the talk that I was moved to surrender my life to this Jesus, I had just heard about for the very first time. There was such a sense of the presence of God at that moment, I knew immediately that something supernatural had just occurred. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I think I may have been the kid in the cabin that year that everyone was praying for. Little did I know then, how much that single decision would completely change the course of my life? Literally, everything about me and my family would be different in a matter of a couple of years. The first thing I did was to buy a Bible, because I didn’t have one, and had never even heard of the Bible. Once I bought one and began reading it, I was hooked for life. I just couldn’t believe all of the promises that were in there for me! I began reading, and completely read the book from cover to cover three times the first year I invited Jesus into my life.
All of a sudden I began to see God everywhere in everything. The clouds, the sunrises, sunsets, fall leaves, mountains, streams, forests, people, everywhere! How could I have not seen the handiwork of God before now? How could I even draw a breath of air without him? I so hungered to understand and know more about this amazing God I had just discovered? Then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me. My family didn’t have a clue about this rich treasure I had discovered. They didn’t know about the Bible; they had no knowledge about heaven or hell, much less about church. I had to get them to believe in God, but I had no idea how to begin to make that happen. Then my friend, Loretta, shared another promise with me. Acts 16:31 states, to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved, you and your household, meaning everyone in your family. So, for the next two and a half years I prayed for my parents and brother and sister to come to know him, and give their lives to him. By March of my senior year in high school, my whole family had received Jesus into their hearts. As a result of this change in our family, over sixty of my extended family members also received Christ, because of my parent’s new-found faith. He so drastically changed my dysfunctional family and gave our lives meaning, purpose and peace. How could I not serve him all the days of my life.
Next, he led me to the college where I would meet the girl of my dreams, and begin shaping my future forever. Through what I would describe as divine events, he allowed me to cross paths with what would become my life partner, wife, lover and friend. I looked into the blue eyes of this beautiful red headed girl and knew in an instant, she was going to be my wife and lifetime companion. After marrying my bride and finishing school, the Lord brought us three beautiful daughters and a vision for using our lives to serve others while we are on this planet. There have been numerous challenges over the years with health, relationships, wealth, career, and certainly marriage, but through it all, God has performed so many miracles it is hard to recant all of them.
I have now walked with God for forty years. I’ve learned so much and yet still feel like I know nothing about him. But I do know that he has never let me down even one time, and I let him down daily. It isn’t because I want to, but because my spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. God has transformed me and my family by the power that only comes from on high! There have been financial miracles, healings, victories over weaknesses, revelation of his nature, and most importantly, he placed his very own Spirit within me so I can hear his voice, which is softer than a whisper and wiser than the wisest man to ever walk this earth. His power, presence and purpose all reside within me. His Spirit teaches me about himself with such clarity that is hard for me to fathom it all. I see him everywhere, I hear his voice, I feel his presence, I marvel at his Word and I’ve received a thousand blessings from his people.
Every fiber of my being declares there is a God who loves me, and knows my very name, and even knows the number of hairs on my head. I can’t help but tell others about the eternal greatness of my God. He is the God of gods, the King of kings, the Lord of lords, and Prince of peace. He is absolutely everything to me! YES, you better believe, I believe there is a GOD!