Holiday Stress
November 23, 2011
She stood in the middle of the department store worried that she was forgetting someone on her gift list, and at the same time wondering how she would find the money to pay for the gift even if she remembered who it was! With both credit cards at their limit, the stress from not knowing how the payments would be made next month just added to her load of anxiety.
On top of the financial challenge the holiday season brought every year, there was the always awkward thought of how she would arrange getting around to all the family and when the kids would visit their father.
Her car seemed like it was on its last leg, limping around town and not even starting on really cold mornings. Fighting the crowd at the mall was just such a hassle when all she really wanted was to just be at home after working all day. And her son was so difficult this time of year! There was so much to be troubled over, and on top of that she was worried about walking out into the dark parking lot!
Sound familiar? Maybe this situation does not perfectly describe your holiday season but you can probably relate to it in some way. What can you do to make this special time of year a blessing instead of a curse?
Start with your attitude about what you can and cannot control. Do not get anxious about what you cannot control. Rather, do your best at dealing effectively with the things you can control. Work well with others, whether they are family, friends, or associates on the job. Plan ahead, especially in the areas of your personal finances and time management. Enlist the help of those around you who love you and want to spend time with you. The holiday season is a great time to build relationships. Do not allow all the stress and anxiety to rob you of the joy of the season.
Unmet Expectations
November 22, 2011
As they sat at the kitchen table his wife said, “Life just hasn’t worked out the way I thought it would,” It was a statement that struck deeply and broke his heart. He knew his wife felt he was responsible for her life not working out the way she had planned. She held it against him. And he didn’t know what to do about it. He felt helpless. His wife’s unmet expectations weighed heavily on his mind and heart and held him captive in his guilt.
Many times in my life I have had to remind myself that my expectations will not always line up with reality. How I respond to unmet expectations reveal much about my personality and character. It also reveals much about what I believe about God.
A pastor friend of mine said, “All of us have expectations in life. We expect things will occur according to our preconceived ideas and plans. Sometimes things do not happen as we expect, and our response to those unexpected events can determine whether or not we miss out on God’s best for our lives.”
Another friend of mine says that unmet expectations are usually unspoken expectations. “When our spouse doesn’t come through on something we expect them to naturally come through on, our response is typically anger and withdrawal. We hold them hostage to the expectation they didn’t meet. So, as that expectation continues to go unmet we pile up anger, hurt, and resentment toward that person,” he says.
You may need to determine if your expectations go unmet because they are unrealistic. People will always let you down. Even your closest friends, your spouse, your parent, will eventually disappoint you in some way. No one will meet your expectations all the time.
My pastor friend reminds us, “God will never let us down. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. He promises to love us and meet our needs. He hears our prayers. He loves us absolutely and unconditionally. But sometimes we confuse what God promises with our expectations of what we would like God to do.”
We do the same with others around us. Are you holding someone captive in your unmet expectations of them? Perhaps you need to examine your expectations and decide if they are reasonable and grounded in love for God and others.
Stress–It Puts You Over the Edge!
November 15, 2011
What is your prescription for stress? What really puts you over the edge and in a position where you think you and everything around you is out of control?
Major stress producers are big life events such as your wedding, the death of a family member, divorce, buying or selling a home, and changing jobs. But it seems like it is the little things that cause us stress on a daily basis. Things like traffic congestion, impatient children, worrying about your job, or failing to communicate effectively with your spouse.
Here are some signs that you need some assistance managing the stress in your life:
- Difficulty communicating your thoughts
- Difficulty maintaining balance in your life
- Increased use of drugs or alcohol
- Poor work performance
- Headache and stomach problems
- Disorientation and confusion for no apparent reason
- Difficulty concentrating
- Reluctance to leave home
- Depression, sadness, and mood swings
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Difficulty getting out of bed in the morning
- Fear of crowds and strangers
- Overwhelming guilt and self-doubt
Actually the list could go on but you get the idea. Stress is not something to be embarrassed about. All of us struggle with it to some degree and there are times when stress becomes a huge issue in our lives.
When you recognize that you are experiencing a great deal of stress in your life you need to act on it. Stress should not be ignored. It can negatively affect every area of your life and cause serious problems in your marriage and family, job performance, and other relationships.
Here are some good ways to ease stress in your life:
- Do not worry about things you cannot control. Realize you are not always in control of whatever is producing the stress
- Take steps to promote your own physical and emotional health by staying active in your daily life patterns or by adjusting them
- Maintain a normal household and daily routine
- Spend time with family and friends in non-stressful situations
- Ask family and friends to help you
- Eat well-balanced and nutritional meals on a regular basis
- See a doctor. You may be dealing with something other than stress
- Be cautious about taking medication. It may not necessarily be the best way to deal with your stress
- Depending on God in a relationship that involves regular prayer and study
Nothing eases stress in your life like the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus living in your life, directing your ways and decisions gives you freedom and liberty to live out every day with great joy and victory. If you really want to be on top of the stress in your life then you need only turn to God and his provision!
“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation. The Lord be with you all.” 2 Thessalonians 3:16 NLT
Your Undivided Attention
November 15, 2011
“Attentiveness is showing the worth of a person or task by giving your undivided concentration.”
When was the last time you sat down, looked your friend, spouse, or child in the eye and really paid attention to what they had to say? If you are like most people that doesn’t sound too difficult…until you try to do it. Most of us believe we are too busy to give that sort of attention on a regular basis. We want to talk “on the move,” while we are doing other things. We call it multi-tasking and we excuse our failure to really be attentive by saying, as well as believing, that we are so busy that a constructive use of our time is not really focusing on any one thing or person. We convince ourselves that we are better time managers when we are communicating on the move, at a shallow depth, and without any kind of real commitment.
I think all that is a cop-out. Being truly attentive is something most of us just don’t want to do. We think it requires too much and may end up costing us more than we want to give. By not paying attention we can keep our distance and move along without any real commitment. Being attentive scares us to death! Yet, it is exactly what our relationships need! “Attentiveness is showing the worth (value) of a person or task by giving your undivided concentration (attention).”
Who can you give your undivided attention today, and by doing so, show them how important they are to you and how much you value your relationship with them?
The Power of a Generous Spirit
November 4, 2011
In his book, Never Eat Alone, Keith Ferrazzi states, “…a simple, but profound, lesson about the power of generosity…is when you help others, they often help you.” Ferrazzi is not talking about being generous with your money. He is encouraging people to take on a lifestyle that is defined by a generous spirit. A tendency that defines one’s life by giving and sharing one’s resources, talents, abilities, and relationships.
He continues, “I have come to see reaching out to people as a way to make a difference in people’s lives as well as a way to explore and learn and enrich my own; it has become a conscious construction of my life’s path.”
Ferrazzi encourages us to “connect” with others. Some people call “networking” what Ferrazzi calls “connecting.” He invests in others by sharing his knowledge, resources, time and energy, friends and associates, empathy and compassion in an ongoing effort to provide value in his relationships.
Remember, all of life boils down to relationships, ultimately one’s relationship with Jesus Christ. Ferrazzi is saying that life’s relationships, when characterized by a generous spirit, are more meaningful and valuable to everyone. Focus on your opportunities to invest in others, whether they are family, friends, neighbors, or work associates. Develop a generous spirit that characterizes and defines your life.
Just A Little Bit More
November 4, 2011
What does it mean to be content? In a world where we are driven to want more and more; to never be satisfied with what we have, it is a difficult concept to ever embrace. After all, whatever car, boat, or house we have, we always seem to want something different, bigger, and better.
Webster defines contentment as “happy enough with what one has or is. Not desiring something more different. The absence of the need to strain and pull to get ahead. Indifference to position, status, or possession.” The Amplified Version of the Bible defines contentment as “satisfied to the point that one is neither disturbed or disquieted. The product of gratitude.”
Few things affect our lives like a grateful spirit. We typically have so much more than we actually need that we are blinded by our abundance. We take our health, freedom, prosperity, and possessions for granted. And, we are ungrateful. In a time and place where, in our culture, we have more of everything than the rest of the world, we fail to express a spirit of gratitude to those around us who help us and to God who provides it.
More than likely you are blessed beyond your basic needs. You probably want more of what you have and definitely more of what you do not have, but fail to recognize that you have so much that money cannot buy. You have the love and appreciation of others. You have a family. You have food, shelter, clothing, and transportation. You have a job. Yet you still remain ungrateful!!
John D. Rockefeller, an American industrialist who, in 1870, founded Standard Oil was once asked how much money it would take for him to be really satisfied. He answered, “Just a little bit more.” What is it that will truly bring you contentment?
“Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.” Philippians 4:11-13
Live For Him!
November 3, 2011
How do you start your day? Do you struggle to get out of bed, get cleaned up and dressed? You skip “the most important meal of the day” and somehow find your way to work after stopping at the convenience store for coffee? All of us should take time every morning to get the best start on the day we possibly can. God should play a significant role in starting your day!
Will Austin is a friend of mine and he recently shared a part of his daily start-up. He reviews every morning his “Live For Him” list. “Reading through this list is the very first thing I do each morning. It allows me to recalibrate with what really matters,” he said. He graciously gave me permission to share his LFH list with you.
- Every second of life is a gift; no matter what I endure…this is the most important thing to remember!
- Include God in everything I do.
- Everything is God’s; I am merely a steward of what He allows me to use.
- Read morning Scriptures with passion, purely searching for truth and wisdom.
- I can’t….but God can!!!
- Preserve my words…less talk; never answer before listening
- Trust in the Lord as though everything depends on Him. Work as though everything depends on me.
- Take action!!! Ask three questions: Is the plan in harmony with God’s plan? Will it work in real life circumstances? Is my attitude pleasing to God?
- Make the right decisions by: Getting facts before answering. Be open to new ideas. Make sure I hear all sides of the story before judging.
- There is great personal victory in controlling my temper!
Will said, “It is amazing how simple and to what perspective things seem to fall when I start my day this way.” This Live For Him list can get you started every morning in the right way. Maybe you and God need to come up with your own list. The point is: Start things the right way everyday by including God in your plans!
You Can Count On It!
November 3, 2011
I can remember when I realized for the first time that I could count on the Bible. I was on into my adult years, raised in the church, had a minister for a dad, and frankly, had quite a bit of Bible knowledge. But the realization that God’s Word was true and reliable was something new to me. It changed my life forever!
In our world today many things compete for influence in our lives. The culture we live in promotes a “me mentality” where all of life evolves around the individual. We learn to trust anything that tickles our ears and tells us what we want to hear. We end up counting on only those things that benefit us at the moment. Yet what our lives need more than anything is the reliable Word of God.
The Bible is sufficient in our lives. In contrast to the theories of men, God’s Word is absolutely comprehensive. The Bible does not change. Unlike the opinions and wisdom of man, God’s Word is the same today as it was yesterday and will be tomorrow.
Most importantly, the Bible is true. It is true all of the time. Proverbs 30:5-6 says, “Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to Him for protection. Do not add to His words or He may rebuke you and expose you as a liar.”